While at the same time it seems like nothing has really happened.
Life was a bit of a rollercoaster for a little while...
I got an email about a month and a half ago telling me that I did not get into graduate school.
I was a lot more disappointed than I thought I would have been.
Graduate school was our motivation for moving away from friends and family and moving to rainy Portland.
I was ready for my career to start. I was ready for a change. I was ready to take control of my life.
And then with an email it all suddenly seemed over.
What now?
I felt defeated and lost and poor Jeremy was trying to keep up with my crazy spiral.
There were a lot of bad days.
Days where I asked Jeremy if we could move back to the bay area.
Days where I cried to Jeremy and whined to God; I wasn't playing music that much, I wasn't going back to school, I was far from my friends, I could barely drive our stick shift and I felt purpose-less at my job..
This went on for a couple weeks.
Then one day something happened.
My boss asked if I would lead a group for teenage girls over the summer.
I gladly said yes, at first just to be cooperative, but then I felt something.
I think I can accurately describe it as a physical change. I felt a little lighter.
A few days later the sun came out. It was amazing.
We went for a long bike ride together (jer and I...not my boss and I) and it felt like medicine!
I started driving to work by myself and feeling more confident with the stick shift.
I was playing music more and recording songs. (check out my most recent recording below)
I played my first open mic!
Slowly but surely I began to realize I was coming back to who I was.
I had been begging God to fix my life and before I realized it, it had happened.
I don't know how and I can't put my finger on the exact change but everything just looks brighter.
Our marriage seems stronger.
We as individuals seem stronger.
In the last few weeks God has not only blessed us with sunshine and joy but Jeremy was offered an apprenticeship at a local bakery.
Though he doesn't love waking up at 3:30AM (!!!!), he is learning a lot and enjoying his experience there. He has been extremely busy these days: he is watching Aiden two days a week, volunteering at our local coop, climbing at the climbing gym and trying to get a job there, volunteering at the nearby raceway and still booking weddings to shoot!
Needless to say, our time together lately has been sacred.
Throughout the last several months, I have been reading L. B. Cowman's Streams in the Desert. Something that gave me strength was a passage about waiting. This poem by J. Danson Smith really encapsulates where I feel we are in life right now. We are waiting on God, with excitement and joy, for whatever is next.
Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain will be;
To hear, with inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.
Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.
Waiting! Yes, Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
I know, though I've waited long;
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! Still, waiting!
The Master will not be late;
Since He knows that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Tell us what you think!